Mess Distraction

I was going to e-mail this to the man responsilble for "freedom fries", but the pin-head doesn't appear to have an e-mail address.


Congressman Bob Ney
Chairman, Committee on House Administration
U.S. Congress

Dear Congressman Ney

Far be it from me to prevent - even at this late stage - the United States Congress making itself a laughing stock in the eyes of the world, but I felt I should drop you a line about your recent attempt to rename an item of American cuisine (excuse the contradiction-in-terms) to bring it in line with the requirements of American diplomacy (if you have a dictionary handy, you'll find this odd word under "D".)

Undoubtedly the French are already thanking you for distancing their centuries-old culture from the over-salted potato-flavoured fat-sticks Americans previously named after them, so I won't dispute the urgent need to stop calling these crimes against nutrition "French". But what of this vacuous "freedom" appellation? Is there some reason you couldn't just call them "chips", like the rest of the English-speaking world? In Britain, confusion between packaged pre-fried potato slices and the hot rectangular variety is avoided by calling the former "crisps". Alternatively, here in Australia, we call the latter "hot chips" although usually we distinguish between the two varieties by context - not a significant intellectual exercise.

If you intend to continue with this bizarre neologism rather than with the more convenient usage mentioned above, I can only wish you luck with future renamings of non-standard poodles, open-mouthed kissing, and certain kinds of letters.

Yours faithfully
Robert Weaver